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Sega Saturn · Action Role-Playing · 1995
It looks better as a thumbnail.
An Emotional Rollercoaster
If ever there was definitive proof that a reviewer should really complete a game before reviewing it — or at the very least, play through a good 90% of the game — Virtual Hydlide is it. What an absolute fucking rollercoaster of an experience this game was, and not in a good way — but also, not quite in the way you’d expect.
Join me, friends and strangers alike — take a seat, and join me for my tale of Virtual Hydlide on the Sega Saturn.
How It Began
I actually owned this game once, when I was much younger and more naive. As a voracious consumer of all things RPG, I’d lay my grubby mitts on anything I could find. These were the days when my only internet access was a few scant minutes at a time using an ancient library computer, the days long before smartphones even existed, so — for the most part — you had to rely on the box to determine if a game looked good or not.
Despite this game being near-universally reviled in this day and age, I actually have fond memories of playing it as a kid. Many an hour was whiled away in Virtual Hydlide, and though I’m sure I remember beating this train-wreck of a game, many of the things I saw in my more recent play-through were completely new to me. Honestly, I don’t think I got much further than the Vampire Mansion — but I digress.
It seemed like an amusing idea to pick this one up again and give it a try. Play through the funny terrible game that everyone hates, write a scathing review, fun times for everyone. Things took a surprisingly unexpected turn, however.
Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!
The Basics
Virtual Hydlide is an… experimental sort of game. At its heart, it’s a third-person action-RPG with a procedurally-generated open world, and eight dungeons, each also with a semi-randomized layout. While you’re free to roam on the overworld, each dungeon tends to require a key item from the previous dungeon to gain entrance, and the progression path is extremely linear.
There’s three difficulty levels available — Easy will mark the locations of all points of interest (such as dungeons, or the crystal shop where you can buy equipment by spending points), show the full map (for both the overworld and each dungeon) immediately, and also point you in the direction of your next objective on the compass. Combat is also made easier, of course.
Normal is much the same, except with regular-level combat difficulty and with the map hidden by default, uncovered as you explore, and Hard doesn’t show your next objective at all. Combined with the procedurally-generated maps, and the semi-randomization of loot in the game world,[1] there’s some decent replay value to be had here for folks who enjoy the game.
The graphics are… the graphics sure are. While most of the terrain and dungeon layout is polygons, your player character, enemies, and much of the remaining scenery — trees, gravestones, tables, treaure chests — are pre-rendered 2D sprites, some of which have several variations depending on your viewing angle, others of which will always face the player.
Surprisingly, the music really steps up — it’s nothing to truly write home about, but it hits above its weight in terms of the overall quality of this game. The overworld music is suitably exciting, the Vampire Mansion music is an almost Castlevania-esque sinister, and I really vibed with the Volcanic Cave music.
The controls are a little clunky, to say the least. Movement is “tank-style” controls (think Resident Evil) with optional strafing, and your options are pretty much either slowly shuffle around (turning, especially, is just painful), or hold the sprint key and dash off like Sonic the Hedgehog, though this also makes turning much too fast. Combat is a simple affair — two types of attack (the quick attack’s animation is barely shorter than the power attack), or block with an equipped shield.
Fortunately, most[2] of the enemies have a ponderous AI, giving you plenty of time to maneuver and attack, almost as if they’re struggling with the controls just as much as you are.
The bosses are much less cool than they look.
I Kinda Liked It
And this is where things got weird — despite the clunky controls, despite the janky aesthetics, I kinda liked it.
There was something about the atmosphere and the aesthetic of the game — you could tell it was trying its best, despite its flaws. Something about the look and feel gave me pretty strong Knightmare[3] vibes, and the limitations of the engine made navigating through creepy forests or dingy caves feel like a real adventure.
Hell, even the controls aren’t that bad once you get used to them, and the music really tied the whole experience together. I’d gone into this expecting to hate it, but by the time I reached the first ‘dungeon’, the Graveyard, I was hooked. By the time I’d reached the Vampire Mansion, I was enthralled.
“This is great!” I thought, naively. Much like with Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest, I could write another review defending a kinda-janky yet oddly-loveable game that everyone else hates! What could possibly go wrong?
Something Went Wrong
The first fly in the ointment came when I was trying to find the Fairy Shield — the best shield in the game, and one that was supposed to have a fixed, guaranteed location, much like other unique items in the game. It was supposed to be in a chest in a specific part of the Sealed Dungeon, and yet — it wasn’t. I’d opened every chest in the place, and no Fairy Shield. Some searching around the web revealed that I wasn’t alone, and this is just something that happens sometimes. Sucks to be me, I guess.
Still, determined not to let that sour my experience, I pressed on. On to the Lost Castle, and then the final dungeon, the Fortress of Varalys! Victory was now so close!
And that’s when it all went to shit.
The Lost Castle has a pretty cool aesthetic,
even if it's a nightmare to navigate.
These key items are generally pretty straightforward — you can’t defeat the vampire without the Crucifix, but if you die at any point, you can always just continue and be sent back to the start of the dungeon. You can’t see where you’re going in the Trial Dungeon without the Magic Lamp, you can’t find the entrance to the Ruins without the Spectacles of Truth, and so on — you get the idea.
It’s a pretty cut-and-dried progression system, though there’s a few road-blocks along the way that aren’t well-explained. For example, defeating the Mad Dragon boss without a Dark Sword is extremely hard, and you can’t defeat the Eel Boss at all without the Sword of Light (though, this sword is also located inside the same dungeon as the boss). Minor niggles, but nothing that can’t be worked around.
Except that apparently I’d missed the Amethyst from the Graveyard, which the game’s “go here next” indicator never pointed me towards. And aside from requiring the Sword of Light to defeat the final boss, you know what else you need? That’s right, the Amethyst (and two other gems, one of which is also missable).
Hey, no problem! I’ll just die on the boss, leave the dungeon, go get the Amethyst, then come back! Annoying, but not gonna ruin my day, right? But no. You can’t. You can’t leave either of the last two dungeons. Ever. Once you walk in, that’s it, you can’t ever walk out without beating the game.
That’s right, if you missed one of the easily missable items and don’t have an older save file from before you entered the second-to-last dungeon, you’re now soft-locked and cannot complete the game.
It’s not a long game by any means — you can beat it start-to-finish in 3 to 4 hours or so. But having required key items for a dungeon you’re not allowed to leave, after every other dungeon prior let you walk out whenever you want is an absolute cardinal sin in my book. There wasn’t even any warning for the Lost Castle — the damn thing rose up out of the lake, and I was automatically teleported inside, without even having a choice in the matter. While, again, every previous dungeon had an entrance you had to manually walk into.
Because of that, and that alone, I’m going to say: fuck Virtual Hydlide. Whatever weird, janky charms it had at first completely evaporated once I realized I’d have to play the entire game over from scratch if I wanted to beat it. I came into this game ready to defend it from all who would jeer and mock its weird graphics and clunky gameplay, but sadly, Virtual Hydlide has now lost the one ardent defender it might have had.
And so…
The Verdict
Footnotes
[1] Certain key items and pieces of equipment have fixed locations, but most of the remaining loot is randomized.
[2] Exceptions being enemies like the Mimics, which are absolute hell unleashed.
[3] A British TV show from the late 80s to early 90s, and probably my favourite thing in the world at the time.
Discussion
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